


Restless

by bracelitperson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Has Mental Health Issues (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester are Jack Kline's Parents, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Season/Series 15, Team Free Will 2.0 (Supernatural), i barely remember anything from the show so sorry if the i got the canon things wrong, like damn are we never gonna talk about how depressed that mf is?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24159298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bracelitperson/pseuds/bracelitperson
Summary: Castiel decides to dream walk with Dean and they decide to finally talk.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Restless

Dean sighed in contentment, throwing his crossed ankles thumping onto the pier. His fishing rod was propped against his grip and the folding chair he was sitting in.

He watched the water shimmer in the sunlight, felt the sun hitting his skin making him feel warm all over. He’s wearing aviator sunglasses and the orange and pink flannel he never wears. He doesn’t know why he never wears it. But it looks good, feels good too. He doesn’t think about it too hard. Just lets his hook swim in the water while he waits for a bite. 

“Hello, Dean.” He startles when his angel shows up beside him, trench coat tail trailing behind from the light breeze. He closes his eyes and bites his lip.

“I’m dreaming, huh?” He puts his glasses in his hair and glances up at Cas who nods, eyes squinting from the sun.

He lays his fishing rod down next to the chair. Another chair pops up beside him with a cooler full of beer where the tackle box used to be. He gestures at the chair and passes a beer to Cas. Cas takes it and places it next to his chair before sitting. Dean made Cas’ chair bright blue. He realizes his chair is forest green. He shrugs and takes another sip before leaning back a little more. 

“How come you didn’t just wake me?” He glances at Cas and he realizes he looks younger. The light in his eyes is still there. His hair is spikier, messier, still jet black. His stubble is short and light, less frown lines.

He glances at himself and realizes he must be younger too. He kind of looks the same though. He knows the light in his eyes went out after hell so that’s definitely not there. Probably less frown lines too. Cas catches his eyes. 

“You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you. Plus, it’s not important.”

Cas shifts in his seat and looks away. Dean is still staring at him. His tie has dark blue stripes. Must have been the first one. Dean sips his beer again. _Everything is important when it comes to you_ , he thinks, but he decides not to say that. 

“Okay, then relax. I’m not gonna kick you out.” Cas looks at him and they share a look for a moment before he grins and leans back a little. Cas lets out a small sigh before he glances back out at the water, skin glowing in the sunlight.

“Dean, I’m sorry-“ 

“Cas, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Jack and Billy have a plan. If you trust it, I trust it. End of story.”

When he glances at Cas, he’s older. The way he looks in the present. Sprouts of gray hair in his scalp. More wrinkles, but good ones, laugh lines swimming around his eyes and mouth. His eyes still shimmer when he looks at Dean. Dean feels his eyes soften as his mouth up turns into a smile. He keeps himself from glancing at Cas’s lips.

“If anyone should be sorry, it’s me.” Cas opens his mouth to speak, but Dean just turns to him and lays his hand in his arm in response. He closes his mouth. 

“I know, I’ve said it before. But I’ll never not be sorry. For the way I hurt you. And Jack. Cas, there’s something I didn’t get to say in purgatory...” Cas eyes open wide, but Dean doesn’t notice because his eyes are closed, preparing for the weight of the moment.

“I lo-“ He gets cut off when Cas kisses him roughly on the mouth, smothering his arm in between them and the chairs. Dean hums, but says nothing else and just kisses him back. Dean nips Cas’s bottom lip and he chuckles when they disconnect. 

“Dean, I did something.” Dean gives him a big, dorky smirk. 

“I’d say so.” Cas just shakes his head.

“I did something bad. Really bad.” Dean's smile falls and Cas almost bursts into tears from that look alone. Dean feels scared, not angry, for once in his life. He’s terrified. _What did he do?_

“I made a deal.” Dean closes his eyes and breathes out slowly. 

“With who? How long?” His eyes are closed and he tries to hold back the tears he feels prickling under his eyelids. 

“With the empty. They said the minute I’m truly, honestly happy they’ll come for me.” Dean puts his head in his hands, feeling a tear fall. 

“Dean...” Cas picks up his wrists so Dean will look at him. He doesn’t. 

“I did it for Jack. So Jack could come back. I had too-“

Then Dean looks up and Cas wants to scream. Dean looks absolutely devastated, tears streaming silently down his face. Cas thought he would be angry, thought he would be livid. He looks like his heart just broke. Cas isn’t doing very well either. His eyes are glistening with unshed tears and he’s terrified. 

“You’re not happy?” He says it in a soft and broken tone. Cas lets out an empty chuckle. 

“Dean...”

“Cas, I’m serious. Not happy? What... what’s making you unhappy?” Cas looks away because he can’t stand the look on Dean’s face. He can’t help it. 

“Dean, being human is hard. Everything was so much easier when I was an angel. Following orders, thinking everything I did was right because it was in the name of God.” He stops to scoff. 

“But I met you, and Sam and I learned that everything that I thought, everything I believed wasn’t true. It was corrupt and biased and I was on the wrong side my whole life. I lost my wings and I devastated my people when they needed me the most. I took Jimmy away from his family and ruined them. I let the leviathans loose...”

“But Cas, we forgive you, I forgive you.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t forgive myself. I never will. For letting everyone down constantly, for letting you down.” 

“Cas, you could never...” Dean breathes softly, letting the tears fall down his cheek onto his neck. 

“Well, you did let me down, maybe once or twice,” He huffs a laugh when Cas gives him a puffy eyed bitch face, “but that’s alright, we all made mistakes. Every time you did something, you did it for the greater good. Not one time did you do it for you. You took Jimmy as a vessel because God needed you too, you gave away your wings because you thought the other angels could be helped, you let the leviathans loose to help us defeat Raphael.”

“That doesn’t matter, Dean-“ Dean wraps his hand in his tight. Cas looks at him again. Dean looks so fucking certain, hand squeezing Castiel’s. 

“Yes, it does, Cas! You did it, all of it, for _us_. That counts for everything.” He gives Cas a weak smile and grips his hand, entangling their fingers. Cas gives him an equally wobbly smile back. 

“We’ll figure it out. I promise. I’m not losing you again.” Cas just nods and looks away, but Dean can’t handle that and brings him into a hug. Cas feels the heat from Dean’s breath on his neck and the wetness of his cheek. He breathes out and snuggles into Dean’s neck. 

“Never again.” Dean’s grin is wide and when they pull back, he feels his cheek start to go numb. He chuckles softly.

“What did you need to tell me so bad that you came into my dream?”

Castiel doesn’t wanna say even after all this he isn’t happy. Even after the one thing he’s wanted for so long is right in front of him, smiling and telling him he’s worth everything and more, he still thinks he doesn’t deserve it. Maybe they will figure it out. Maybe Dean, Sam, and Jack will save him again and everything will end happily.

He’ll be able to figure what happiness is and he’ll be able to just live with his family instead of worrying about the next monster or threat. Maybe he and Dean will be able to be a normal couple and he’ll get to experience dates and love from the one person he’s wanted it from the most. Him and Sam will finally read all those books they’ve wanted to read together and Dean could sit there and make fun of them while he snuggles against him on the couch. Maybe they’ll all get to raise Jack to become the amazing person that he is. But Castiel knows the slim possibilities of it ending remotely well for him and Team Free Will 2.0.

He knows he’ll probably end up dead and in the empty again, away from everything he’s worked so hard to protect. He doesn’t want to say that he came into Dean’s room because he was thinking about leaving again. Thinking about finally leaving for good, letting them live without the burden of Castiel. When he walked in, Dean was asleep with his headphones halfway off his head, still connected to the record player and too many beers to count scattered around his room.

He decided to peek into his dreams for a bit, see if he was at least dreaming happily and if he wasn’t, Cas would soothe him all the way until morning. When he opened the dream, Dean was on the pier from when Castiel first dream walked in his dreams, in a dark green chair and sunglasses and a smile. He couldn’t resist. Never could with Dean. So he just chuckles wetly along with Dean and glances out into the water, hand laced with the hunter’s.

“Like I said before, nothing of import. Just restless.” Dean gives him a gummy smile and leans over to kiss his cheek. 

“Well, you can always wake me when you’re feeling restless, Angel.” Cas looks over at Dean, who looks as content as can be, gazing over at the water, hand clasped in his.

He believes maybe, even if he won’t ever see heaven again, it wouldn’t matter because heaven is right there in front of him. It always has been. He lays his head down on Dean’s shoulder, feels him kiss his hair. 

“Okay, Dean. I’ll let you know when I’m restless.”


End file.
